Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

@johnathanrush

The Butthurt Diaries: Rush vs. iTunes User Reviews

Nothing like snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Boooooo. BOOOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (via)

I suppose it goes without saying for anyone who has known me for longer than 20 minutes that I am not in the greatest mood today, and depending on the Cleveland Browns to elevate it is like depending on ex-girlfriends for emotional support. It’s just not going to happen. (Late edit: Of course.)

So I’m in the mood to be a total dick today. No Magnificent Seven this week, because I wanted to spend my time eviscerating things, and there’s no better place to find things that are easy to poke holes in and cut down than a comment section on the Internet.

I’ve already addressed my disdain for comment sections, YouTube in particular, in previous posts, but it’s hard to really be able to pick away at a comment on YouTube. The main reason for this is it’s hard to pick at “fuk u fag”. If you’re writing like an 8^th grader, I’m going to treat you like an 8^th grader, and I prefer to wait until you’ve at least gotten to high school before I destroy you to make myself feel better.

However, there’s one place that you can get the idiocy of YouTube with the pretension of Pitchfork: The iTunes user review section. Many a day at work has been spent looking at iTunes reviews and thinking to myself, “How In the hell do you even know how to turn a computer on, let alone to let the world know ‘Taelor Swiff ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS shez just liek meeee!’?” So I figure that today would be a great time to absolutely destroy some stranger’s stupid opinion. Because that’s what the Internet is all about.

That and titties. And bacon.

SO: In the Fire Joe Morgan style (currently going strong over at Kissing Suzy Kolber), I’m going to list some reviews (names withheld) for some older, but mainly newer movies and albums. Then I’m going to list the reasons why I believe these reviews are positively moronic, and proof your Internet provider needs to take your service away. Ready? Good. All of these reviews are listed in the iTunes reviews section as of November 18, 2012. Quotes from the reviews are italicized, and my responses are…well, not. We’ll start with movies:

Magic Mike

You went into this movie looking for depth? (via)

First I wanted to address the critic blurb left with the movie: “Channing Tatum is electrifying!” says Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly. “If I looked like that, I could just take my pants off and have people consider me electrifying too!” says Johnathan Rush of Eclectic Mess of Crap.

Rest assured, ladies, I am NOT willing to put the work in to make my body look like that. Your relationships and marriages are safe.

Now onto the review: “I guess you have to be completely shallow or just plain senseless to enjoy this movie. The ONLY good in this film is the few scenes of Channing dancing…”

So you bitch about the film being shallow, then you say the only good part of the film is when the pretty boy had his shirt off? Right-o.

“I’m sorry, Channing, I know you wrote the screenplay and it’s loosely based on your life…”

Holy shit, really? REALLY.

“but leave the writing to people who know what they’re doing. Aside from that, Channing is gorgeous.”

This review worked out to basically say, “This film is too shallow, but the only good parts were the shallow parts. The guy who wrote the film and lived the experiences has no idea what he’s talking about, and he should stop expressing himself creatively and just grate cheese on his abs.” GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC.

"You can cross. Totally. Go. NOW." (via)

That’s My Boy

This picture alone makes me like Samberg 10% less. (via)

Happy Madison movies do not age well. If you haven’t seen the “Billy Madison” or “Happy Gilmore” movies in a while, and you have good memories of them, don’t watch them again. Trust me. Opinion aside, let’s see how a current Happy Madison movie holds up, at least according to the iTunes Illuminati:

“HOW COULD ANYONE NOT LIKE THIS???”

Uh oh.

“This movie is fantastically funny – a throwback to the old Adam Sandler movies.”

That’s the problem, guy. 15 years and he’s still writing the same movie. Christ, even I’ve grown up some.

“Really, click, grown-ups, funny people – those were horrible films that barely made me laugh. This movie had me laughing hard the entire time.”

We’re 66% in agreement here. “Click” and “Grown-Ups” were awful movies. “Funny People” really wasn’t supposed to make you laugh. Surprisingly, this review didn’t end with, “Yeah, and that ‘Punch-Drunk Love’ was a crock of shit, man! Light some poo on fire! And stop trying to make movies where you don’t do funny voices!”

The Amazing Spider-Man

You can do no wrong. (via)

A reboot of the popular “Spider-Man” franchise, this movie has Emma Stone in it. That’s all that really matters, I think.

“A third of this movie is a mediocre remake of the first Spider-Man movie”

Sooooo a movie franchise was “rebooted” (which is a less offputting way of saying “remake”) and your issue is that some of the scenes were repeated. Way to adjust your expectations before sitting down, chief.

“Another third of the movie is a bad teenage soap opera”

Because that didn’t happen in any of the previous movies? Bud, Kirsten Dunst is a lot of things. A nuanced actress is not one of them.

“It was boring”

BLOW SOME SHIT UP MURRICA ROCK FLAG AND EAGLE

(via)

Moonrise Kingdom

Wes Anderson is creative. His movie posters are not. (via)

I enjoy Wes Anderson’s movies for the most part, but absolutely understand why his movies are considered to be “pretentious” (I’m getting a TON of mileage out of that word lately) and go over the head of many moviegoers. Let’s see the joy of someone not understanding either the movie or how iTunes’ terms and conditions work:

“I really need to write to Apple and get my money back on this movie”

Dear Apple,

I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t understand what the words “all sales are final” means.

Sincerely, Whiny Fucking Idiot

Take my word for this, from personal and professional experience: If you do decide to get around to “writing to Apple”, they’ll write back within 24-48 hours to tell you that you’re not getting a penny of your money back, but they’ll also have passed around your email to their fellow employees and are laughing at how you think you’re anything more than an ineffectual dipshit.

“Apparently, what I saw and what everyone gave 5 stars is completely different.”

No, their attention span is longer than 45 seconds, so they could pay attention and enjoy the movie as a whole.

“While watching this sorry waste of time I was hoping Armageddon would strike either the characters or my local neighborhood so I could be done with this and resume watching Eat, Pray, Love…”

Deseray hates these pictures. "Cake is supposed to be for happy times!" (via)

The Big Lebowski

I am prepared to go full Sobchak on someone talking bad about this movie. (via)

Last but not least in the movie department, I wanted to see how my personal favorite movie is being reviewed in iTunes Land (to be fair, I’m not entirely certain English is the reviewer’s first language):

“This movie was so far one of the worst I have ever watch from the I-Tune store.  It contains a lot of bad and vulgar language which is repeatedly expressed by the main actors.”

Fuck you.

Now onto music, which I’m reeeeeeeeeeally looking forward to, as people tend to be rigidly stupid and close-minded about their music (I am also guilty of this):

Psy – “Gangnam Style”

(via)

Had to include this, if only because now that it’s been out of fashion for a couple of months, we should be coming up on the time where the folks in the South and Midwest pick it back up. “THE MIDWEST: BEHIND THE TIMES SINCE AT LEAST 1980”

(I’m typing out this review verbatim, as is. Frankly, because I have nothing to add. Parody review or not, it’s sparkling.)

“Man what is theise shieet? Mans thanked him for not too much haste c’mon plesase? I just have want to make a song then should sounded well and goods, but no change of chance as there was becasue I was too you yoghurt and cheese crackers something sometimes and then there that thing those ceux and his job not was to many get distrcted in elevator with him and her who was what wing chicken cracker barrel xheese. Sd memory cards are now being having able to suported maybe 256 giggle bits of data information storage @ghost peper flames in this song. Nice beats and things by the ways, all the time. Methink what is there and killer joe got a big presented by his ma”

Review doesn’t make sense? NEITHER DOES THE FUCKING SONG, regardless of translation.

The Weeknd – Trilogy

(via)

I very much like The Weeknd. His version of “Dirty Diana” is on more than one playlist of mine, so it gets fair rotation on the few occasions I do listen to music. I’m also pretty excited to sit down and give this double-disc a listen. Some of these people, on the other hand, are not:

“Copying the dream sound and Michael Jackson”

Because no one’s ever gotten rich copying Michael Jackson.

Presented without comment. (via)

“I hear a lot of noise and whining…but no music”

"Hmm. Yes. Indeed." (via)

“I am so disappointed! I will never preorder an album again!”

Yep. The reason you’re dissatisfied is not because all of these songs have already been released on his mixtapes, and if you like him enough to preorder his first album on iTunes, you most likely already own them. The reason you’re dissatisfied is because you preordered the album without looking at a track listing, and are kind of hating yourself for being an idiot who is wasteful with money.

I, on the other hand, don’t have the mixtapes. BOUGHT IT.

Taylor Swift – Red

This is not the album cover. But it should be. (via)

Ugh. The most saccharine, grating personality in music releasing her “I’m a grown up now, y’all!” album. Reading these reviews may give me the diabeetus.

(via)

“Taylor has done it again. This album is the quintessence of country pop.”

(via)

“Her venturing into more of the pop genre is clearly exhibited but her soft spoken detail filled lyrics are still there.”

“Her ruining another genre of music is totally happening, but fortunately, she’s still embarrassingly open about every guy who’s ever touched her boobies heart!”

“This album makes me proud to be a Swiftie for more than six years!”

Is this actually a thing? If so, maybe they and the Beliebers can fight to the death.

Rihanna – Unapologetic (Deluxe Version)

Insert lazy DV "joke" here. (via)

This album hasn’t even been released yet, and yet the reviews are already in. For the most part, they’re glowing. Someone, however, seems to have just discovered Rihanna, despite being a “long-time” fan.

“I’m sure the music on here is great, but she tricked us! It’s textbook.”

And she would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you darn kids with your loud music and your Dan Fogelberg!

And what fucking textbooks are you reading? You need to drop that class. Immediately.

“Rihanna releases this wonderful, squeaky-clean song “diamonds” making me think she’s going to clean up her image, and then this. The repeated sleaziness is getting reallllllllly old.”

So a musical artist releases a clean song to play on the radio, and keeps her other music in gear with her original audience’s tastes? You don’t say!

(via)

Well! I feel much better! Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed doing it. Enjoy your week.

@johnathanrush

Your Politics =/= My Twinkies

I’m back from a 2 week hiatus, and I has a sad.

Sad because Target took undershirts or razor blades off sale?

I’ve been listening to “Whatever and Ever Amen” on a loop. Watching every breakup movie I can think of. I would dive into comfort food, but APPARENTLY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. 

Hey, people from Philly. This shit is gross. (via)

 No, I’m not recently dumped. I’m attempting to move past the sudden and crushing loss of Twinkies, Cup Cakes, and the little Devil’s Food Donettes I like, even though I know they’re horrible for me. The closure of Hostess Brands means a lot to a lot of people. The most obvious and real cost is approximately 18,500 people losing their jobs due to the company closing their doors. Obviously, any job loss of that scale is disheartening, at best. Not nearly as disheartening, however, as the attempt to politicize the closure of an American institution. (For those who may chuckle at throwing the word “institution” around like so much confetti, did you SEE some of the supermarket photos posted online on Friday or this morning?)

Insert lazy fat joke here. (via)

So thus far, I’ve read people attempt to blame this entirely on the Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM), as if Hostess Brands was an earmark of how a successful business should be run. While I personally believe the “union” in its current incarnation is outdated, to lay all the blame at these people’s feet is absolutely ridiculous. Hostess Brands already had one bankruptcy under its belt (2004), and were asking union workers to make concessions for the second time in eight years. The union workers certainly were not responsible for the $860 million in debt listed at the time of Hostess Brands’ second bankruptcy filing, but they were being asked to take hits to their pay, pensions, and benefits…again. This while Hostess Brands’ upper management attempted to gift themselves with 7-figure bonuses in 2011 before they were called on the carpet and cut 4 highly-salaried members of their board down to a $1-per-year salary to placate furious employees.

However, by and large, they’re supposed to sit and take it because “you should be lucky to have a job”. But when does it end? These workers had already taken one hit, and were being asked to take another. If they agreed, what’s stopping Hostess from asking them to take further cuts down the road? When is it acceptable to stand up for yourself?

(I also accidentally typed “by and lard” originally instead of “by and large”. Freudian slip?)  

Another valid question brought up by a long-time family friend is “How does any (junk-food) company affiliated with the largest grocery distributor in the country, in an increasingly obese society, go under?” I don’t have an answer for this. I’ve been to Wal-Mart on pretty much any day of the week, at any time of the month, at any time of the year, and I’m sure most reading this have as well. The irony of obese people being malnourished is another story for another time, but looking into most any cart you walk by tells me it’s safe to say that we can’t hold Twinkies as the sole culprit of our fattification. (Made them shits up. Feel free to steal.)

(via youmoron.org)

Bottom line: Even though I’ve held a serious grudge since I found out they stopped making Chocodiles, the closure of Hostess sucks. Your politics aren’t helping.

Late edit: And now this is all officially a moot point.

@johnathanrush

The Magnificent Seven #3 - Favorite Wrestling Promos

Guess how many spots this guy occupies on the list?

This hasn’t been my greatest couple of weeks.

I lost my paternal grandfather this past week. My Papa was my hero, my role model, and someone I could only hope any possible future children of mine would emulate. Despite being able to enjoy having my family around (including seeing family members that I haven’t been able to see or stay in touch with for years, for various reasons), this has been a heartbreaking time for my family and I, to say the least. I started this blog in order to be able to talk and write about things that make me happy, and weirdly/proudly, professional wrestling makes me very happy. My goal with this specific entry, in honor of my grandfather and his strong Christian beliefs, is to not swear as a sign of respect. If you've read any of my previous entries, this may not be nearly as easy as it sounds.

Before I proceed (and I fully acknowledge and warn you, any of the 14 people that may have stumbled here looking for somehow more profane pages with the word “crap” in the title, that this entry is not for everyone), I’d like to go ahead and quickly rebut some of the most common arguments against professional wrestling:

              A) “It’s fake!” – OK. The match outcomes are predetermined, but as far as calling anything these men and women do in the ring “fake” is an insulting, ridiculous disservice to anyone who's put their ability to walk without a limp for the rest of their life on the line to entertain us. 

             B)  “I can do that!”  - I’m willing to bet a large sum of money* that you can’t do 1/3 of the things these people do one time. Wrestlers working for major companies do these things for anywhere from 120-200 days a year. (*-should I somehow lose this bet, expect to get a ridiculously postdated check.)

      C)  “GAAAAAAAAAAY!” – While this is mostly from the MMA crowd, I guess I have to agree somewhat. Speedos and baby oil do no one any favors. But certainly there is nothing “gay” about 2 dudes in a cage wearing nothing but short shorts and gloves rolling around on the ground for 15-25 minutes. I will also use this bulletpoint to include the surreal Hilary Duff anti-gay PSA, because I deem it both tangentially related to this point, as well as the masochist in me enjoying Lizzie McGuire's Smoker's Voice telling me to “knock it off”.

      D) “Too many people die at a young age!” – Yeah, I got nothing for this, and it’s the only thing about professional wrestling that really makes me sad, so let’s move on.

E)  Last, but certainly not least, my absolute personal favorite, “All they do is stand around and talk!” As soon as I hear this, I stop listening, because the person saying it just completely exposed themselves as knowing nothing about professional wrestling.

The professional wrestling business, in its current incarnation, thrives on the “promo”, or promotional interview. It helps build storylines without the wrestlers having to get in the ring and risk injury. It allows the people behind the characters to expose themselves enough to make the character their own. They also can run the gamut from funny to emotional to asinine and possibly (probably?) drug-induced. But we’ll get to him later. But the main point here is that promos are my favorite part of wrestling, and what better way to cheer myself up then to go over my favorite wrestling promos of all time.

For those who are still with me (as I again acknowledge this post will not be interesting to everyone), please keep in mind that the title isn’t “Greatest Wrestling Promos”. It’s “Favorite Wrestling Promos”. Most listed do have historical significance in one way or another, but please don’t get chapped because I didn’t include something you thought should have been there. This is entirely subjective, and if anyone reading this (which might be down to 6 or 7 now, once readers saw anything related to ‘rasslin’) has anything they’d like to include on their own, or if you’d just like to call me names, there’s a comment section below. I swear. I'm not the only one who's allowed to use it.

As always, all videos used in this blog, with the exception of the last video, are from YouTube, although I will do my best to credit the individual accounts the videos were pulled from, and all images gathered from Google Images. 

So let’s get on with it:

#7 - Terry Funk Retires, Loses 99.9% Of His Vocabulary - 1983

Pretty sure they named the old Nintendo game "Bad Dudes" after Terry and Dory Funk, Jr.

“Middle Aged and Crazy”, “The Living Legend”, “Terrible Terry”, “The Hardcore Icon”. The most famous resident of The Double Cross Ranch in Amarillo, TX. 

The Funker.

Most people in my age bracket remember Terry Funk as either the soft spoken, fire-chair swinging former ECW champion and worldwide name in wrestling who retired an estimated 297 times, or the guy Sylvester Stallone hired to be in several of his movies. (MR. CUTLER IS TALKING TO YOU.) But for those who missed out on earlier times, Terry Funk, as well as his brother Dory Funk, Jr., was an absolute rock star in Japan. On August 31, 1983, after the teaming Funk brothers wrestled a match in Japan, he announced his first retirement. Also, he apparently forgot all the words his brain knows but one:

The fun part starts at about 3:30 in the video. (via)

So how long does he and his wife think Japan will be number 1 again? I couldn't quite make it out...

#6 – No Computer Will Take His Job, Daddy -1985

Fat or not, Dusty Rhodes > You

Dusty Rhodes has never really looked like he should have done anything with his life other than be a professional wrestler. An obese man with a pronounced lisp and more rhythm than most white men are allowed by law, he wrestled like someone who at least had the “obese” part covered. His finishing move was an elbow, for God’s sakes. I’m guessing he learned that from Georg Hackenschmidt or Frank Gotch, because something as simple as a standing elbow stopped being a realistic finisher sometime around the 1910s.

However, one thing Big Dust could always (and still) do is cut a promo. Rhodes was coming back from an injury, and was set up to wrestle Ric Flair at Starrcade ’85, which was the NWA’s equivalent of WrestleMania, meaning their biggest and most important show of the year. Rather than just stay at home, stage interviewer Bob Caudle stuck a mike in his face for a stage interview. Then this happened: 

Shouldn't talk about people starving when you're pushing 3 bills, Big Dust. (via)

I can’t think of any Dusty Rhodes/Ric Flair match that wasn’t very good to excellent, despite Dusty's dearth of technical skills, but the passion in this interview still gives me chills.

#5 – Paul E. Dangerously has HAD IT WITH YOU! – 1992

Just SO. MUCH. AWESOME.

This being a totally subjective list, this was very close to being in the top 2 of my favorite promos of all time. Before he really became an integral part of wrestling history, Paul E. Dangerously was a Zack Morris-phone carrying manager in WCW, leading a stable called The Dangerous Alliance. Anyone who has seen Heyman in his post-WCW days (WWE announcer/manager, and I think he created a wrestling company…) knows the guy can talk a blue streak, and could sell ice to an Inuit. He could also horribly denigrate women like Madusa Miceli:

I used to rewind 2:09 to 2:19 about 5 times per viewing. Still do. (via)

As a spelling bee nerd, I enjoyed the number of words Paul E. felt compelled to spell for Madusa. I also like the fact that they bleeped the word “hooker” out on the telecast. It was 1992, after all, but it’s really weird to hear now. What's not so weird to hear, though, is Paul E. DOMINATING someone on the microphone. 

#4 – “Cane Dewey” – 1995

(Photo and awesome t-shirt via)

In 1995, Cactus Jack wasn’t with one of the 2 (at the time) major companies, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t still changing the professional wrestling business. Before he was thrown off a cage, or put a sock on his hand, or started the hometown/thumbs up combo, Mick Foley was a brawler that did not get or choose to speak much for the majority of his career. In ECW, however, Foley was given the chance to speak his own mind, as opposed to having to speak through a character. What followed was one of the most famous promos in ECW history: 

He hasn't always been so fan-friendly. (via)

The emotion (more than a little real: Who wouldn’t be upset by seeing a sign in the crowd suggesting inflicting physical pain onto your toddler?) in this promo is, to this day, nearly unmatched. Many people think this interview “made” Cactus Jack. I liked him before this, but it’s really hard to argue with that sentiment.

#3 – Archie Gouldie Keeps It Racist – 1983

"My dad can beat up your dad."

Liberal use of the word “boy” aside, I LOVE THIS PROMO. Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie was one of the top heels in Canada’s Stampede Wrestling, run by Stu Hart and former breeding ground of many of professional wrestling’s best technicians. During a 6-man tag team match, Gouldie teamed with his “son” (not really his kid) and fellow bad guy Bad News Allen (better known to some as Bad News Brown), but during the match, Allen turned on the Gouldies, piledriving the “son” onto the concrete floor and leaving most everyone else, Archie Gouldie included, bleeding profusely. Wikipedia calls this “the most infamous angle in Stampede history”, and I have to agree, if only because it was so brutal, it caused Stampede Wrestling’s TV announcer to quit the company on the spot.

What followed was one of the most intense, heartfelt promos I have seen, even to this day: 

(via)

In addition to the “boy” usage, you may have also noticed the sentence “I’ll rub your black hide up and down that gravel road” was partially censored. But the racism in the promo doesn’t detract from the passion, at least to me. Should he have used different wording? Absolutely. Aside from that, could he have done that promo any better? Highly doubtful.

#2 – The Summer of Punk II –2011

Maybe this is the "indy darling" picture in my pro wrestling glossary.

If you can find a professional wrestling glossary of terms, and look up the term “indy darling”, you’ll most likely see a picture of CM Punk (Not my glossary, though. Mine has a picture of Bryan Danielson). Punk honed his craft in independent wrestling organizations like Ring of Honor for years before he was signed to the WWE. Even after making the “big time”, he spent a large portion of his time floundering. For every great match he had with a Jeff Hardy (or most anyone), there were 2 programs where he wasn’t even on TV. For every Straight Edge Society, there was a New Nexus. By June 2011, Punk’s contract was ending, and by all indications, he was very frustrated with his current direction in the company and wanted to take some time away and reassess his options. On June 27, Monday Night Raw that evening ended like this:

You couldn't have said hi to Ace Steel, ya jerk? (via)

After this promo, the internet and professional wrestling world in general was abuzz with speculation. “Was that really supposed to happen?” “Is this a work?” “Let’s bring this pro wrestler guy onto my radio show because I think what just happened was real.” (I might be talking about someone specifically here.) It led to a lot of very good things, both for Punk and for wrestling fans that don’t want to watch bodybuilders that don’t have a clue or care what’s going on. (Might be talking about someone specifically here too.)

You may notice that the title of the #2 entry was called “The Summer of Punk II”, which would indicate there is an original Summer of Punk. I would have loved to include the promo that started that, along with a couple of other things from the company, but since Ring of Honor is fanatical to the point of alienation about making sure none of their product that exists before 2009-2010 ends up online (because the Dewey Guida School of Business teaches us nothing good can come from  exposing your product to a larger audience. Right, Lavy?), I have no ROH stuff. Thanks, guys!

Before I get to the #1 spot, there are 3 guys that I desperately wanted to include on this list, but they’ve done so many great promos that it was very difficult to pick only one. So the Magnificent Seven Lifetime Achievement Award winners are:

Ric Flair

(I picked this one for my buds @Fiddy14 and @Fido1084) (via)

Jake “The Snake” Roberts

"Never trust a snake...or a hardcore crack addict." (via)

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper

From a promo to a murder accusation. That's breaking the 4th wall. (via)

And my leader to this point (because this could change at any week, ridiculous as that might sound if you watch most of the current major product offered):

#1 – Steve Austin –“That’s For Somebody Else”—1995

You'd look heated too if you had to job to "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan in 30 seconds. 

Way before he became one of the most popular and recognizable wrestlers on the planet, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was a guy who, due to horrible misuse in WCW and an arm injury suffered while wrestling in Japan, found himself out of a job. Lots of guys get let go in wrestling (especially in WCW during the ‘90s, as they had over 225 wrestlers under contract, if only to sign most of them only to keep them from jumping ship to the WWF), but not a lot of guys get fired via a FedEx letter while convalescing and healing up from an injury caused while working for that same company (WCW and New Japan Pro Wrestling had a working agreement allowing wrestlers to work for both organizations). While waiting to heal up, Paul Heyman (remember that guy?) gave Austin the opportunity to simply speak his mind. What followed was not only a side of Steve Austin that hadn’t been seen before in American wrestling, but a precursor to a character that changed wrestling forever:

(via my own DVD collection)

See any resemblance? It’s almost like a stand-up comedian workshopping new jokes, with the main exception being Austin really didn’t need a whole lot of time. 6 months in ECW (where, due to still healing up from the arm injury, he only actually wrestled 2 matches in his entire time with the company and lost them both), signed with the WWF, and the rest is history.

Hey, this was fun. On a personal note, I would like to sincerely thank anyone and everyone who took the time to send positive words, wishes, and thoughts during a very difficult time. Some I’ve been able to thank personally, but if I haven’t been able to, please accept my gratitude.

And hey, no swears! I'm growing. 

Thank you very much for reading, and enjoy your day.

@johnathanrush