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| Never. Gets. Old. (via) |
OH HAI 2013
First blog post of 2013, and if the goal of this thing was
to write about things I enjoy, the Flyers-Penguins rivalry is definitely
something to write about.
It’s not much of a secret to anyone that knows me that I
hate the Penguins, and hold a large portion of their fanbase in contempt. Most of my
unhinged scribblings re: Flyers/Pens has been on Twitter, but not today.
(BACKSTORY COMING)
So I suppose, for those of you who don’t follow me on
Twitter/don’t have a Twitter account/could care less about Twitter, that I
should explain why I’m going the “running diary” route rather than
live-tweeting, which is what I usually do, to the chagrin of most of my
followers. Aside from the fact that the blog needs entries, Twitter might prove
to be a giant pain in the ass should the Flyers game not go the way I want.
This is thanks to trolling (and getting trolled by) a certain Pittsburgh sports
“personality” (I can’t think of anything else to call him, and his nicknames
for himself are fucking ludicrous) that panders to the lowest common
denominator. I get his role in the sports media, and he’s obviously very good
at what he does, but he’s never been my cup of tea, and I don’t respond very
well to being addressed as “bitch”. Never have. One tweet leads to another,
which leads to calling someone a “fat fucking never-was blowhard”, which leads
to…well, mouth-breathing chaos.
Mom, you’ll be upset to know that some jerkoff from
Pittsburgh thinks you should have aborted me. Sorry, but I promised him I’d
pass on the message.
Also, I don’t care where he went to school, Andrew Taglianetti is the fucking man.
I figured, since I’d still be unhinged, and didn’t want to
run the risk of having to deal with Shawn from Blawnox, that I’d try to lay as
much as I could about the game out in a Word document, time-stamp it, and lay
it out here. I’ve already proven to be an unoriginal bastard in the past, and I
feel a little less bad about ripping someone else off the second time. Kinda
like what hitmen say about killing people. Running diary, here we go!
(Also, I know we’re at the inevitable backlash point where the
word “butthurt” isn’t cool anymore. But I’m not changing the name today, mainly
because of indifference.)
12:18pm – We are live in the Rush/Bug apartment, and we just
found out that we’re getting boned. Screw you, regional coverage, I have
absolutely no desire to watch Blackhawks/Kings today. I also have no immediate
plans or desire to move to a closer market (eat me, it’s 68 degrees here today),
so I’m just going to impotently bitch about it on the Internet. That’ll show ‘em.
12:19 – I can at least watch the WVU/Purdue game on CBS
while I’m…I DON’T WANT TO WATCH KANSAS/TEXAS GODDAMMIT REGIONAL COVERAGE I HATE
YOU SO MUCH
12:20 – Took my bitching to Twitter, where I had a very nice
WVU fan send me a link to watch the Mountaineers, at least. I’m sure I can do
the same thing with the Flyers game, because if there’s one thing Flyers fans
are, it’s willing to help a stranger.
12:30 – “And West Virginia hits their first 2 point field
goal of the day!”, comes the announcement with 9 minutes gone in the first
half. Yeesh.
12:35 – Man, “Mob Wives” is a lot more interesting than what’s
going on in West Lafayette. I don’t know if that reflects worse on the
Mountaineers or myself.
12:37 – So, in 7 minutes of “Mob Wives”, I’ve seen fights,
knives getting waved around, and a little kid with a gaudy-ass St. Something
medal that’s as big as his head. I’ve seen West Virginia make one field goal in
the paint. You can understand why my attention is skewed.
12:40 – Just watched Kevin Noreen (he was Mr. Basketball in
Minnesota, y’all!) hold the ball at the top of the key for a good 6 seconds,
then hand it to Juwan Staten, who throws up an awful shot with the shot clock
still in double digits. Perilously close to giving “Mob Wives” the nod until
the hockey game starts.
12:44 – You get TWO steps, Juwan. No more. And of course,
after the charge takes a bucket off the board, Purdue goes down and hits a 3.
Jesus.
12:47 – I’m ashamed to admit that 2 of these “Mob Wives”
could get it. Or maybe they’re
attractive to me because the other women on the show are hideous bordering on
frightening. I don’t know.
12:55 – West Virginia goes into the half down by 14, and it
really hasn’t even been that close. We are smack in the middle of the dreaded “long
year” in Morgantown. Really wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t make any
postseason tournament at this point. Why prolong this?
Speaking of “why prolong this”,
the puck doesn’t drop for another 40 minutes. Ugh. And someone just called
someone else on “Mob Wives” a jagoff. I need to eat something while I still
can.
1:25 – I come back from lunch to find WVU down by 26 and
every online link I can find for the Flyers/Pens game is showing
Blackhawks/Kings. This is a shitty omen.
1:34 – Finally check NBC Sports’ website, which has what I’m
looking for. Why I didn’t think to actually look on the site of the network
carrying the game first, I’m not sure. That place looks packed. And orange.
Very orange.
1:35 – NBC’s camera focuses on Sidney Crosby during warmups,
then jiggle the camera rapidly up and down. Made me a little dizzy, and I was
already nauseous. (ZING)
1:38 – Here we go.
1:42 – Really liking how the Flyers have started out, just
as Doc Emrick brings up 80% of Philadelphia’s roster having some sort of hockey
activity during the lockout.
1:43 – Our first penalty kill situation of the year, as
Giroux gets hit with an interference. Or not, as the referees send a guy to the
box (Braydon Coburn) that wasn’t even on ice at the time.
1:44 – Lot of firsts today, obviously. Here is our first
great save made by a guy that got caught waaaaay out of position. Fucking Bryz,
man.
1:45 – Physical play, baby.
1:46 – And our first deficit, which wasn’t entirely Bryz’s
fault due to a deflection. Not an ideal start, obviously. But then again, we
know how well an early lead worked out the last several times they played.
1:48 – Hearing the Flyers go on the “PECOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
POWER PLAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” was kind of like taking an opiate.
1:49 – Watching NBC Sports take their “star cam” abruptly
off of Hartnell to focus on Fleury after a stoppage in play. Well, that was
kinda harsh.
1:51 – And the failure to cash in on said power play is the
harsh comedown from said opiate.
1:52 – Had to use the commercial break to give Bug a hug.
Dumbledore died, and she was a little bummed out. I look over to the other game
to see Jonathan Quick has given up 2 early goals. It was desperately hard to not
make a “Quick deficit” joke.
1:54 – And it’s now a 2 goal deficit in Philadelphia, as
James Neal roasts Bryz. Little worried, you guys.
1:56 – My feed comes back just in time to see Crosby take
another shot. It wouldn’t be the worst plan Peter Laviolette ever had if the
goal was “Get under his skin”. It’s happened before.
1:58 – NBC, your shit is not up to par, server-wise. Step
your game up.
2:00 – And upon further review, the first Penguins goal
could have very well been credited to Luke Schenn. Dynamite debut in orange and black, kid.
#MissUJVR
2:02 – The Flyers go back on the power play after Simon
Despres locks Wayne Simmonds in a bear hug while Simmer was in pursuit. The
Pens’ D has looked markedly improved over last year, which does not bode well.
2:04 – Dynamite stop by MAF in the Flyers’ 3rd
shot of the game. Wouldn’t be too huge of a deal if there weren’t 13 minutes
gone in the first.
2:05 – Pens kill, with not much more pressure from Philly on
the PP. Frowns galore.
2:07 – In LA, there’s a shellacking going on. Nice to see
someone’s having a worse day, at least.
2:09 – At no point do I want to ever see Bryzgalov on his
ass, spinning like he’s on an amusement park ride. Just saw it twice in 15
seconds.
2:12 – Another power play attempt, as Brandon Sutter gets
called on….something. Interference is the official call, but hard to get pumped
after what’s been seen to this point.
2:13 – Great pressure this power play, but nothing as of
yet. Might have been a post, but that might also have been a “Harry Potter”
noise from a room over.
2:14 – The Flyers’ PP2 has looked like dog’s ass. Another
wasted opportunity. And now Zac Rinaldo is on the ice. Woof.
2:16 – Brandon Sutter is making the Staal trade look
magnificent for Pittsburgh. Just an observation that’s not about my team.
2:18 – We’re an end-of-period goal away from replicating
Game 1 of last year’s ECQF. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen, and the Flyers go
into the 1st intermission down 2. Looked like they only showed up
for the first and last 5 minutes of the period. Ain’t that a familiar tale.
2:26 – So the online feed doesn’t show any intermission
highlights from other games, but they make sure to get me back in time to see
the feature on Sidney Crosby. You’re a peach, NBC.
2:29 – Might want to find your helmet and stick, Jonathan
Bernier. The beatdown continues in Los Angeles. And for those who might be
curious, I went out of my way to not watch any of the Stanley Cup stuff before
the game. I’m not hating, I don’t think. Good for them, Mike Richards and Ron
Hextall in particular. I just don’t want to see any team celebrate a Stanley
Cup that isn’t Philadelphia. (Cue “You’re never gonna see a Stanley Cup banner
get raised! How sad for you!” jokes)
2:32 – The synth guy in LA is loooooooooooooooooving “Separate
Ways”.
2:36 – We get back to the action, and quickly, G buries one
off of a beautiful pass by Hartsy, throwing both myself and Spy into hysterics.
(Spy likes Claude Giroux.) Very happy Giroux was the first to get on the board
today. Well done, captain.
2:39 – I compose myself to find James Neal come very close
to taking it back. Might want to think about doing something about him, Lavy.
2:40 – Goddamn it, NBC servers.
2:41 – The crowd is back into it in Philly, which is a nice
change. Was like a morgue in the 1st. Hartnell and Giroux get
another chance, but aren’t able to take advantage, and a Philadelphia penalty
is forthcoming (cross-checking on the good Schenn brother). Would really suck to lose
momentum here.
2:43 – Is Eric Cartman screaming “Go Kings Go!” on my TV? Son of a bitch, it is.
2:45 – Hey, a penalty kill! Also, “Philadelphia isn’t a
Flyers town, Philadelphia is a hockey town” made me feel good, for some reason.
Never been to Philly in my life, and only driven through it once.
2:46 – NBC’s “star cam” was frozen on Simmonds for a few
seconds. I’m sure someone in a control room somewhere was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed.
2:47 – The acid feeling in my stomach has somewhat
dissipated. The Flyers have looked much better in the 2nd, which,
considering Laviolette’s reputation as one of the better makers of
between-period adjustments, shouldn’t be surprising.
2:49 – “People better get used to Giroux and Crosby for a
lot of years.” Pierre McGuire, you jinx.
2:51 – The Pens and Rangers are being discussed as possible
equals. Bummer to not hear the Flyers not mentioned there, but I understand it.
2:52 – Both goalies make highlight-caliber saves within 30
seconds of each other. Bryz hasn’t looked bad at all, which is nice after
seeing his own-goal against New Jersey played ad nauseum during the pregame.
2:53 – Scott Laughton (the Flyers’ 1st round pick
this year) makes his first appearance, or at least the first appearance I’ve
noticed (He ended up with 12 minutes of ice time, and lost 4 of the 6 faceoffs
he took). Words are exchanged between Simmonds and somebody, which fortunately
leads to no penalties. Let’s keep it at words only while we’re losing, scoring
forwards. You too, Hartnell.
2:57 – “BIG DRIVE BY HARTNELL!!!” I’ve missed you, Doc.
Also, the chippiness factor in this game has definitely picked up.
2:58 – Lots more to like this period as a Flyers fan.
2:59 – Andrej Meszaros gets consecutive scoring chances that
Fleury is able to deflect away. We might need a lucky bounce or two to get this
even, the way he’s looked to this point.
3:01 – Brandon Sutter does more to make me hate the Staal
trade. The slobbering he’s getting re: the whole “coach’s son” thing, I could
do without. He’s good enough without it, and whoever liked the coach’s kid?
3:02 – OK, Mez. Stop it. When you have Giroux and Voracek on
the ice with you, you don’t need to be the guy going on goal.
3:03 – Now singing “Make The Music With Your Mouth, Bryz” in
the style of Mr. Tom Dubois.
3:04 – Fleury stones Laughton and Read back to back. Can’t
say the Flower is wilting under the increased pressure.
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| YOU CORNY (via) |
3:06 – More words and tightly grouped players behind Bryz,
after another great save. Bound to happen sooner or later, it seems. If it
does, gotta hope the ensuing penalties/injuries (never know) don’t hit the
Flyers’ scoring too hard.
3:09 – Reminded the Flyers are on again tomorrow. That could
be either awesome or quasi-traumatic.
3:10 – We’re through 2, and I’m happier about the Flyers not
giving up any more goals than I am them getting on the board. Bryz has looked
awesome at times, but it really feels like we’re gonna need a miracle to beat
Fleury again.
I also duck quickly onto Twitter, where I see a) that some hockey fans are amazingly racist, (Edit: We're no better.) and b) chatter about Nicklas Grossmann being hurt.
That would be positively awful.
3:19 – Dark Chocolate Reese’s Cups, man.
3:22 – The sound guy in LA has turned off the synth in favor
of Weezer. I personally love Weezer, but they’re not music really made for a
sporting event, you know?
3:23 – And because of the delay between the TV and the NBC
stream, I get to hear Weezer again. Yes, Rivers, we know. You look just like
him. You tell us all the time.
3:28 – A check of the internets reveal the Blues signed Wade Redden this morning. Reeeeeeeeeeeeally hoping Grossmann’s OK.
3:29 – Third period starts, and the game is now on my TV instead of my computer.
Thanks, blowout in Los Angeles!
3:31 – The guy the Flyers signed INSTEAD of Wade Redden
(Kurtis Foster) gets bowled over and gives the puck away in Pens territory.
B-e-a-utiful.
3:32 – Eric Wellwood is fast. I’m not convinced Eric
Wellwood can do much of anything else yet.
3:34 – Bryz still looks good. So does Fleury, even on SOGs
from his own teammates.
3:35 – “BIG DRIVE!!!” by Eric Wellwood comes up empty. Come
on, guy. Prove me wrong. Seriously.
3:37 – Settling into the “Even if they lose, it’s nothing to
be embarrassed about” mentality. That’s not a mentality I wanted to have to
break out today, let alone have to settle into.
3:39 – Thinking to myself, “It only takes one to rattle
Fleury”, as Wellwood comes closer and closer to Luis Mendoza territory. Then I
remembered my team’s goalie is a goddamn space cadet.
And while I was crafting a corny Mighty Ducks 2 joke, G
comes dangerously close to a breakaway, being offsides by inches. Upon further
review, he was offsides. Not by much, but by enough.
3:43 – Under 10 minutes left. Getting caught up.
3:44 - *PING* goes the save, in Bryz’s favor. Whew.
3:45 – “No no no no NO NO NO!” Stoppage in play, still down
1. Looking rather grim.
3:47 – Come on, NBC. You can’t put a ginger kid up there for
“Name That Squirt” (which is a hilarious name in its own right) and expect
people to be confused as to who he grew up to be when you've got Sideshow Bob flopping around out there for the Flyers.
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| The similarity is uncanny. (via) |
3:48 – “Name That Squirt”.
/dying
3:49 – Still haven’t recovered.
3:50 – Eric Tangradi playing with Malkin seems to be kind of
a disservice to Malkin, unless they’re hoping 71 ups Tangradi’s game. Another
random observation not about my team.
3:51 – POWER PLAY. 5 minutes left. Game pretty much on the
line for the Flyers, you guys.
3:53 – A post and missing an open mouth, within the first 15
seconds. Bah.
3:54 – A bunch of nothing, a clear, and a rush to the net
that still doesn’t beat the Flower. HUUUUGE assist to Craig Adams.
3:56 – Nothing. Goddamn you, PP2.
3:57 – Suuuuuuure, no problem with Reader taking a puck to
the head while on the bench.
3:59 – Another power play for the Flyers, as Grossmann (who’s
back) gets checked for blood and Malkin goes to the box. I have not yet
mentioned Evgeni Malkin aside from my random observation.
Fuck Evgeni Malkin. Cro-Magnon lookin’ motherfucker.
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| This guy, man. (via) |
4:00 – POST, again early in the power play. Crowd getting
into it.
4:01 – Bryz out for the Flyers, 6 on 4.
4:01 – So much for that power play, as Giroux gets hit with
a…questionable…tripping call. Better get back out there, Bryz. 4 on 4 for most
of the last minute of the game. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Well, yeah, I would. I’d prefer it be 6-1, but what can you
do.
4:03 – Offsides called, on probably the last good break the
Flyers will see today. Bryz back on the bench.
4:04 – The empty netter will wrap it up.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
There were some things to like for the Flyers today. Bryz
looked very good-to-great at times, and there were plenty of scoring chances. Hell, Luke
Schenn was +1 with 17 minutes of ice time. But, as previously stated, the 2nd power play unit was hot garbage, and I don’t think anybody was
beating Marc-Andre Fleury today.
I’m not traumatized to the point where I won’t watch
tomorrow. But as a Flyers fan, you can’t ever be happy losing to the Penguins.
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