The Sad Panda Diaries #3: Just A Few (Un)Kind Words

Exclusive: You're best known for underage porn and doing a song called "He's My Bitch". (via)

I’m becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, I’m afraid.

It’s not by design. When I posted the first entry here, I made a joke about becoming “that guy”. But the fact of the matter is I started the blog when I was laid off, and now I’m not. Not only am I not laid off, but I represent a multinational company and shit. (That’s as specific as I’m getting. I’m not getting fired for having a very profane blog.) So, unfortunately, some aspects of my life have had to take the hit. You want more entries? Get a Kickstarter going so I can quit my job. Or follow me on Facebook/Twitter. I’m more prolific there, and for the record, I keep the Facebook page PG ever since my grandma yelled at me about my language. Sorry, Grandma. You should probably quit reading this now, though.

And really, get on the Kickstarter thing. That’d be awesome.

A couple of things brought me back. The first being partial motivation for the title; if you do follow me on Facebook, you read this already, but if not: I had a co-worker (the only co-worker I’ve dared to show this to) read the blog, and had some very kind things to say, which genuinely touched me and gave me motivation to put letters to Word template even though I’d not felt much like it recently.

Which leads me to the second thing: The Steubenville Rape Trial, which has now officially kicked off and gotten very ugly, very fast. I’m sure I’m not the first person who has let the facts of this case depress them horribly, and I’m sure I won’t be the last, especially with more horrifying information released by the day. The only thing that can really be hoped for is swift justice for the victim.

One thing I seriously have trouble stomaching, though, is the continued running down of an entire city, as well as its residents. I’ve had it with feeling like I’m a quasi-rapist, or someone who protects the dregs of society because of where I happened to be born or where my family decided to plant their flag. I’ve also had it with people who couldn’t fucking point Steubenville out on a map before any of this started, deciding they’re judge, jury, and executioner, and declaring that 15,000 people are all guilty. 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.

Sure, Steubenville’s an easy target. It’s a city that, even at its economic peak, had a reputation for corruption that’s always been whispered about. Hell, its 3 most famous residents are a lounge singer, an oddsmaker, and an underage porn star. It’s also a city that now houses some of the proudest people I’ve ever known; people that value hard work and respect their fellow man. People who deserve better than “Stupidville”, which is clever and original, by the way. I can almost see these mouth breathing dipshits type it out, nod silently to themselves, hit “Send” and wait for the adulation, thumbs up, and +1s.

You don’t deserve them. You deserve the very same scorn and hatred that you choose to pile on strangers.

SO, in the previously stolen FJM style, I’ve decided to head to some of my favorite comment sections (Yahoo!, HuffPo, and the like), picked out some of the winningest comments, and basically picked them apart because I hate them and it makes me laugh. Everything is (sic)’ed, because I want to highlight just how stupid some of these assholes come across. Onward.

(Also: New, less divisive title!)

Starting off with the big boys at Yahoo! (and if you haven’t yet, read Dan Wetzel’s article. Excellent work per usual. The comments come from that article):

“Yeah, because she was completely innocent in this. Every one of the people involved share the blame. It's unfortunate that it happened to her, but she put herself in that situation willingly by all accounts, so she can't put ALL of the blame on everyone else. They were definitely wrong for taking advantage of the situation, but she is far from ‘innocent’.”

There is exactly one correct sentence in this comment. A high school girl not being able to handle her booze is not grounds to be sexually assaulted, nor does it take away her ‘innocence’ in the matter. You’re awful.

“So many lessons in this tale. However, no one will learn. 6 months from now we will be reading a story with the phrase ‘reminiscent of the infamous Steubenville Rape Case...’”

No venom here, as this is sadly the truth.

“What I want to know is , why is a (Ed. note: okay, I had to edit something. I know it’s Yahoo! and everything, but my God…) holding the ankles of a white GIRL. in the first place. ???????”

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit, Internet person. I truly hope you’re childless.

“As a father, I can say that young women need to wake the #$%$ up. All of those sexy pictures and videos you post on Facebook and elsewhere, along with all of your "barely there" clothes are only an invitation to trouble. I don't feel sorry one little bit for girls who act like little sl*ts and then go crying to their parents or the police when something happens to them.”

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooly shit, Internet person. I truly hope you’re lying about not being childless. What the hell is this, The Accused? 

“Typical democrats.”

lolwut

“Population: 30,603
White Population: 26,700
Black Population: 4,037
guess what both rapist are black = Hate crime, Wheres AL Sharpton stand on this”

Skin color is hard for some people, I guess? (via)

Skin color is hard for a lot of people, apparently, as I saw this comment, or those in a similar vein, 30-40 times. No exaggeration. Also, your math is wildly incorrect. 

Amazing, no “Stupidville” sightings yet, but I can’t hang with the Yahoo! comment sections. I haven’t ever read the N-bomb that many times, I don’t think.

CNN’s comment section seems to be full of “If it were my daughter…” bullshit and cries for castration. Some lowlights:

“Would you sing the same song if it were your sister, daughter, cousin, best friend? I doubt it. These kids were raised to be SOCIOPATHIC. Millions cop a BUZZ WITHOUT COMMITTING RAPE.....OVER, AND OVER, AT A VARIETY OF PARTIES. Good God, these punks deserve PRISON TIME. This should follow them forever, no sports careers, no jobs in the limelight, no college football(penn state would take them) nothing but cleaning out cesspools. Since they won't learn anything from this, they are DOOMED to live a life without a conscience, and they will pay. Everybody pays at some point in time.”

If this is anybody but Drew Magary, YOU’RE STEALING MY BIT. Also, nice job working Penn State into the conversation, because those cases are totally the same.

“There was no intercourse, this was teenage fondling that's probably pretty typical.”

I’m finding it sad and defeating of the purpose of this entry that most of these entries are making me shake my head in sadness rather than anger. "Just some harmless finger blasting!" GTFOH. 

Come on, AOL.com. You’re the joke e-mail address (or real e-mail address) of grandmothers everywhere, and are just as hip. Don’t let me down…oh, and your news page links directly to HuffPo! Perrrrrrrrrrrfect:

“You're lucky that someone didn't enlarge the back door for you, because if they had, some people would be saying that you deserved it because you got drunk.”

And yes, for the record, “enlarge the back door” is absolutely a euphemism for anal rape. Charming.

“This comment has been removed due to violations of our [Guidelines]”

(via)

WHAT’S THIS CENSORSHIP SHIT?!?! IS THIS NOT ‘MURRICA!?!? You disappoint me, HuffPo.

“So the defense in Ohio is saying...If you slip her a Mickey you can have yourself a quicky....The Stubenville... "Drug her an Mug her defense"....If you rape someone in a coma it's still rape isn't it? How did this defense lawyer make it through law school??”

*sigh* OK, A) you’re a shitty poet. Like, awful. B) You spelled “StEubenville” wrong. C) Since you’re quick to make generalizations about an entire town, allow me to make generalizations about you based on this comment: YOU’RE A FUCKING THIRD GRADER WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW A TRIAL WORKS.

“It sounds to me, that if so many in the town of Steubenville, were so complicit in a vengeful set-up of one of their female citizens, then the whole town should be brought up on charges, and the
townspeople should each pay restitution to this female rape victim, as a compensation for this terrible crime committed against her.”

Fuck right off, lady. Seriously. “…the townspeople should each pay restitution…”? Why should my sister have to pay for idiots that she doesn’t know or have any control over? Why should my mother have to pay when she raised her children the right way? Why should students at Franciscan have to pay for a crime committed before they arrived in the city? What this idiot is basically saying is that not only should an entire town be held culpable for the actions of a few, but also be held financially accountable. How ‘bout this, Treasurer? Tend to your own fucking garden before you try to start setting economic policy for a place you’ve never heard of before last August, OK? Thanks.

And on that note, I can take no more. I was hoping for more vitriol, but all this did was bum me right the hell out. I’m not one to do this normally, as my religious and spiritual beliefs are no one's business but mine, but bless that girl.

And to hell with pretty much everyone else.

(Not you.)

@johnathanrush